05

[para_normally]

 -- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 20:53 --

EB: karkat?
EB: you're around, right?
EB: sorry to bug you. but i promise it's important!
CG: FUCK OFF.
CG: DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?
EB: uh... yeah? it's nine o'clock, that's a pretty normal time for people to be on.
CG: HERE HE GOES AGAIN, UNABLE TO WRAP HIS PUNY, INSENSITIVE THINK PAN AROUND THE CONCEPT OF CULTURAL DIFFERENCES.
CG: DIRECT YOUR WEAK HUMAN GLANCE NUGGETS TOWARDS THE NEAREST WINDOW.
CG: IS THE SUN STILL UP, ASSHOLE?
EB: not completely? i mean, it was, just an hour ago or something.
EB: why?
EB: what alien culture thing am i fucking up NOW?
EB: are you, like...
EB: bluh, i can't even speculate and i'm not really in much of a mood to throw out guesses atm.
EB: so you're just gonna have to tell me.
EB: sorry.
CG: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I PRESENT TO YOU JOHN EGBERT, THE ONLY MAN TO EVER SAVE MULTIPLE UNIVERSES WITHOUT A QUARTER OF THE REQUISITE BRAINPOWER.
CG: HOW HE DID IT, NO ONE KNOWS.
CG: LET ME SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU:
CG: I LITERALLY JUST WOKE UP.
EB: okay, then sorry for not knowing you were taking a nap! jeez.
CG: AS IN, SO LITERALLY THAT HAD YOU, IN YOUR NEVERENDING IMPATIENCE, PRESSED YOUR GRUBBY PINK FINGER TO THE ENTER BUTTON A FEW SECONDS EARLIER
CG: I WOULD HAVE BEEN COMFY AND DREAMING IN MY COCOON, OBLIVIOUS TO YOUR PITIFUL CRIES FOR ATTENTION.
EB: what does that have to do with cultural sensitivity?
EB: aughhhhhhhhh.
EB: nevermind, i'll just talk about my girlfriend issues with someone else then.
EB: if she even IS my girlfriend anymore. whatever.
EB: thanks anyway.
EB: bye.
CG: WHOA HOLD ON THERE SPEEDYPANTS.
CG: GIRLFRIEND ISSUES?
EB: yeah.
CG: YOU FUCKED SOMETHING UP, DIDN'T YOU.
EB: aaas it happens...
EB: yeah, i did.
EB: but i won't bother you with all that, i guess! go back to bed. or cocoon.
CG: PLEASE, WHAT 'SOMEONE ELSE' DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING TO BOTHER WHO WON'T GIVE YOU THE WORST NOOKSNIFFING ADVICE THAT HAS EVER BEEN OFFERED IN THE HISTORY OF ROMANTIC CONSULTATION.
EB: someone who won't bite my head off for apparently interrupting his sleep?
EB: but ok, if you're suddenly interested...
EB: sign.
EB: i got everybody into a group hassle on pesterchum because i "had something to show them."
EB: everybody, meaning rose, dave and jade, i mean.
EB: and the truth was...
EB: i had this prank planned, where i would make them wait for me for a long time. a couple hours or so.
CG: WOW, THIS ALREADY CAN'T END WELL.
EB: and then suddenly!
EB: i fell into the frame, all covered in blood and with a sword sticking out of my chest.
EB: except it was all fake, obviously.
EB: anyway, dave and jade got really mad, and rose just up and left. she didn't even say anything, she just...
EB: was gone.
EB: turns out, the whole thing just reminded rose of the time when i died in front of her for real.
EB: so i got up, laughing, and thought it'd be fine, right?
EB: aaaaand it wasn't.
CG: FUCK, REALLY???
CG: WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT???
EB: shit, i know.
EB: it was just one of those things that seems funny at the time, okay?
EB: and i didn't even think about how it'd actually come across.
CG: JOHN EGBERT, LISTEN CLOSELY BECAUSE THIS MAY BE THE ONLY TIME I EVER UTTER THESE WORDS IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION.
CG: I THINK I MAY HAVE OVERESTIMATED YOUR INTELLIGENCE.
EB: thanks, karkat.
EB: it's not as if i already feel terrible about this and already am pretty sure i fucked things up with rose permanently!
EB: you sure enlightened me, bro!
CG: OKAY, FINE.
CG: THIS IS THE PART WHERE I SAY "THAT'S ROUGH, BUDDY" AND GIVE YOU A PAT ON THE BACK, RIGHT?
EB: that'd be nice, actually.
EB: if kind of unexpected i guess.
CG: ALRIGHT, NOW THAT THAT'S TAKEN CARE OF
CG: WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO
EB: that's exactly it! i don't know.
EB: besides...
EB: i guess i have to apologize to rose if she ever even wants to talk to me from now on.
CG: THAT SOUNDS LIKE A DECENT PLACE TO START.
EB: but even then, i don't know what exactly to say, or how, or anything.
EB: haven't you and terezi had really big fights and such before? like where you made her really mad or she made you really mad?
EB: and you made up in the end, right?
CG: TEREZI'S CONTINUED EXISTENCE IS ONE BIG FLAMING 'FUCK YOU' TO ME AND SHE NEVER FAILS TO REMIND ME OF IT.
CG: WAIT FUCK I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU ABOUT THIS
EB: oh.
EB: um... i'm sorry, i was sorta under the opposite impression.
EB: to be honest.
CG: WE ARE GOING TO DEAL WITH YOUR SHITTY PROBLEMS AND YOUR SHITTY PROBLEMS ALONE.
CG: NOT TO IMPLY I HAVE ANY SHITTY PROBLEMS TO DEAL WITH.
CG: LOOK YOU SHOULD PROBABLY GO TALK TO ROSE
EB: yeah... probably.
CG: LET HER KNOW YOU'RE ALIVE
CG: TELL ME HOW IT GOES
CG: AND
CG: HMMMMM.
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT I'LL GET BACK TO YOU.
EB: sure.
EB: thanks, karkat.
EB: good luck with your own shitty problems that you definitely don't have.
EB: and sorry for almost waking you up.
EB: talk to you later, i guess.
CG: YEAH THANKS I GUESS.
CG: TRY NOT TO FUCK THINGS UP EVEN MORE.
CG: LATER.
EB: bye!
-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 21:23 --